Crazy turns ahead!

I got a call from my OB/GYN yesterday that my lab work came back and all was fine except my insulin level(it was elevated). She strongly recommended a start a low carb diet and reck my labs in 6 months. So needless to say that kinda freaked me out. It's one thing to know that you need to lose weight and get healthier, but it's another all together when your doctor tells you that. You can't hide from the truth and I know it's time to change. I'm still going to have whole grains, fruits and veggies but I'm staying away from refined sugar, pretty much anything white. Since this is Halloween weekend I'm going to give myself today and tomorrow to relax and do whatever. Sunday I will start for really real!

On a different note, Shawn has had a hard couple of days at work. Apparently they're wanting to make some changes and basically his manager doesn't think he's able to do his job. He's in sales and business is slow..for EVERYONE, not just him. I think they just needed a scapegoat and picked him. It's so hard when someone has hurt your husband and there's nothing you can really do about it. We talked last night and I let him know that we're in this together and whatever happens we will get through it. God won't give us something we can't handle and maybe it's just time for Shawn to go in a different direction. THankfully today they told him they will give him a month to stay on full time, that way he'll have some time to find another job. I know he's pretty down about this but I think that made him feel somewhat better. All I know is that I will be looking to God for direction and praying for what our next step should be.

I ate PeiWei this evening and I"m soo fun, UGH! Last time I eat like that, I just feel so blah! Good news though, what looks to be a really fun weekend is ahead of us! Tomorrow we've got Rylee's soccer game, get me some new shoes, OU watch party, then Halloween party at my parents house(but they won't be there) YAY fun! I'm gonna put on some comfy clothes and hang out until Shawn gets home from covering football.
YAAAAWWWWNNN!!

For Starters

I feel like I wanted to start this blog as a way to get all my inner "demons" out on the table and put them to bed, for good. All I've ever wanted to truely achive is to lose weight. I don't know how many thoughts I've had that have started with this..."when I lose weight"... As if that's what I needed for my life to start. I can't do anything until that happens. The question is how much? After I lose, 30, 50 100?! That's when I will magically wake up and life will be all better and all my problems are fixed? Yeah, I"m thinking that's not going to be the case. I have to start living long before that comes into play. I use that as an excuse to not try things. That's what I tell myself,"well I'm too fat to be taken seriously as a singer/songwriter" so I never full achieved my potenial in that arena. I'm too fat to find someone to love me for me, so I need to conform to whatever to get attention. I'm so blessed that God brought my husband, Shawn, into my life and showed me that I AM worth loving, just the way I am. And all these barriers that I've convinced myself are stopping me from truely living, are just my fear of failure. The thing is you have to "fail" sometimes in order to learn and to grow as a person. It's a lesson I've learned very slowly but I am learning it. I won't achieve my weight loss goals until I stop making excuses, deal with what's hold me back in the first place, learn the lessons God wants me to, and move on. So that's the point of this blog. Trying to work out these issues, one day at a time!